Snowplow parenting has emerged as a term in recent years, describing a style where parents remove obstacles from their children’s paths to ensure smooth futures. Licensed psychologist Nicole Beurkens, Ph.D., CNS, explains that snowplow parents feel responsible for preventing their kids from experiencing any hardship or negative emotions. This behavior often stems from a parent’s difficulty in watching their child face discomfort.
Sarah Cohen, M.D., a child, adolescent, and family psychiatrist at Westmed Medical Group, notes that this instinct is natural. For the first year of life, children depend on parents for everything. Adjusting that as kids grow takes effort. Watching children struggle is painful, so parents often step in. It is also easier to do things for them, especially when parents are busy and impatient. This is particularly challenging for children with atypical development, who may face difficulties repeatedly throughout the day.
Snowplow parenting is often compared to helicopter parenting, where parents constantly hover and monitor daily activities. Many experts see snowplow parenting as another version of that. However, snowplow parenting is more common among affluent families who have the resources, time, and connections to intervene in their children’s issues.
Signs of snowplow parenting
Identifying snowplow behavior can be difficult. It is not an all-or-nothing situation. Parents may show some signs without going to extremes. Beurkens says it appears often in schools. Parents may talk to the principal about a grade or volunteer at school to be present and step in when problems arise, under the pretense of helping teachers. It also shows up in peer relationships, with parents over-involving themselves in their children’s friendships, even contacting other parents to discuss their kids’ behavior.
Effects on children
Children need to face challenges to become responsible and well-adjusted adults. Snowplow parenting limits these growth opportunities and may hinder their maturity and ability to handle difficulties. Beurkens says repercussions include not learning to solve problems, tolerate negative feelings, or develop resilience. Children may not see themselves as capable and competent. Effects can include performance anxiety, pressure to achieve, guilt, taking failures personally, easy frustration or anger, and reduced problem-solving skills.
How parents can improve
Letting kids fail is key. Allowing children to experience the consequences of not trying hard enough, skipping practice, arguing with a friend, or making mistakes helps them learn. Beurkens says overcoming challenges is how kids become responsible adults. Stepping in sends the message that the child is incompetent, even if that is not the parent’s intention. Parents need to learn to tolerate their own discomfort. Watching a child struggle does not make a parent bad or neglectful. Allowing kids to deal with things on their own helps them in the long run.
When to step in
This does not mean parents should never help. They should be present, listen, care, and offer advice. Then they should let children take charge and figure things out independently. Beurkens suggests telling children, “I understand you are going through a really tough thing, and I get it, it must feel bad, but I know you are going to be able to handle it.” If a child has tried to resolve a problem, put in their best effort, and still cannot improve the situation, then parents can step in more. Bullying is one example where a child may need parental intervention. Cohen advises teaching children to ask for help. This sets the tone that while they are expected to try things themselves first, parents are close by and available when needed.
Parenting is hard, and there is no perfect way to raise children. Certain behaviors that come with the times may affect a child’s development. Snowplow parenting is one such trend where parents take the front seat and push hardship aside. Born from good intentions, it may have unintended consequences. Experts remind that kids should fail and learn how to deal with their failures.
